Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve cracked up. Come undone. Lost my mind. Whatever you want to call it.
Remember when I said that my luck was about to take a serious turn for the worse? Well, it has.
I have hit week 32 of this pregnancy, and I am a hot mess.
- I can’t stop crying.
- I can’t sleep.
- I have heartburn.
- My eating habits are changing again… and not for the better.
- Did I mention that I can’t stop crying.
For the last two weeks, I have been quick to shed tears. But by the end of last week and continuing through this week, I’ve taken up crying all the time. Crying at work. Crying in the car. Crying in the middle of the night. Crying in the morning before work. Etc. Etc. Etc. How cliche is it that the gigantic pregnant lady is crying at work?! All I needed was to be eating a sandwich while crying to round out the look.
Part of this is because I am starting to hurt all over. Part of this is because I am not sleeping. Part of this is because CoCo has decided that peanut butter and butter are off the menu, yet I continue to eat both. Because I forget. Until the heartburn starts. I’ve never had heartburn before. I don’t like it. Not one bit.
Part of this is because of these damn doctor appointments. Why would a doctor say something like this: “Well, it’s a little small… I’m not concerned, but you should come back in three weeks… because it’s a little small.” Doesn’t this doctor understand that telling a woman on the edge – a woman, mind you, who was in his office because she was freaking out because she did not feel the fetus move for a good 24 hours – that her baby is “a little small” could lead to more alarm, not less? Doesn’t this guy realize that just because he says he’s not worried does not mean that I won’t be worried? Probably unnecessarily?
Part of this is because my job is killing me. Our maternity leave sucks, and despite my attempts to get some special dispensation, I got nothing. Well, what I got was this: Trust us. Trust us? What the fuck are these people talking about? Why in G-d’s name would I trust them to make sure that I have enough time at home while not having to go off salary? Why would any employee trust their employer to make special allowances down the line when they won’t make those allowances now? Trust us… I’m going to try that the next time they ask me to do something and see how far it gets me.
So basically, I am a crazy person right now. I just hope this ends sometime soon. Please dear G-d, let this end sometime soon.