You know what you shouldn’t do on a snow day?
Wait, let me rephrase that.
You know what you shouldn’t do on a snow day when you are pregnant? Watch that show called Baby Story on TLC.
So I’m not a baby crazy person. Babies are fine and all. And once you get them cleaned off and they recover from the birthing process that squishes them and creates coneheads, they can be pretty cute. And I’m happy about this pregnancy and blah, blah, blah. But that’s really the extent of it. I don’t freak out when people tell me they’re expecting. And I am always thrown by people’ excitement over my pregnancy. Not my mother’s excitement, which has reached RIDICULOUS levels, but you know, normal people.
These shows are not really my thing either. I mean, all the annoying expecting parents stuff really gets on my last nerve. Maybe these folks lay it on thick for the cameras, but I don’t think so. I think expecting parents are just that annoying. This worries me that a) I am days away from becoming one of these pod people, and/or 2) I will spend the next 18 years ducking this kid’s friends’ parents… OR WORSE – befriending these loons. But after five days of being house bound, I’ve reached the end of TV. Beggers can’t be choosers… so here we are.
But I digress.
So this show. It’s terrible. It follows new parents through the birth and the first few days/weeks at home. The show I just watched was about a couple who met in Hoboken, NJ – wait for it – on St. Patrick’s Day. Now if you’ve never spent a St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken, NJ, let me paint you a picture.
Imagine about 500 to 1000 21 to 27 year olds on a bar crawl from pub to pub to pub along the one or so mile Washington Street. There is a smattering of 28 to 35 year olds trying to relive some youth lost or some fraternity/sorority days gone by or something, which is both sad and desperate. This parade of public drunkenness begins around 10-11am and continues to the wee hours of the morning. Throughout the day – usually as early as noon or 1pm – people start petering out. By petering out, I mean that they have gotten so drunk on beer and shots that they are passing out on the street. This continues through the course of the day.
While I’ve never participated in a St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl – beer and shots are not my drinks of choice and only now do I really want beer, which in all honestly, could just be because I really want any alcohol at all – my brother has gone to this day of debauchery with his friends. One year, STC reported that he – or was it his friend, Ralph? – passed out on a Hoboken city bench where he slept, apparently, for several hours. Upon waking up, he realized that his friends had abandoned him and he had no way of getting back to Edgewater, where he lives. Getting a cab after 1am is difficult, so he walked from Hoboken to about Weehawken or West New York when one of his friends finally picked up the phone and came to his rescue.
As you can see, St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken is for alcoholics and degenerates primarily. It is the worst day to be in that town and I would not recommend it. At all. But according to Baby Story, St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken is also a day where love matches are made. I thought these were mostly one night love affairs, but I guess something deeper than that happens over all those pints of Guiness and shots of Wild Turkey. Who knew?
But this wasn’t the worst part of the show. The worst part of the show was that this couple lost two pregnancies in the second trimester and were trying a third time. As I am in my second trimester and am an absolute loon, this is the absolute WRONG tale for me to be listening too. HC agreed:
Me: I think I made a terrible mistake.
HC: Why? What did you do?
Me: I shouldn’t be watching this show.
HC, with planet-protecting contempt: What is this? 19 Kids and Counting or something?
Me: No, A Baby Story.
HC looks at me, puzzled.
Me: This couple met in Hoboken on St. Patrick’s Day. They miscarried twice in the second trimester.
HC now looking alarmed and reaching for the remote: G-d, why are you watching this?!
Me: No, no! Don’t change it! I’m too invested now. They’re pregnant again. I want to see what happens.
HC just shakes his head and walks away.
So you know, they had the kid and all went well. All I could think was, And St. Patrick and a shotgun of Bud brought this joy.
I wonder what’s on next…