I was going to do my typical long-winded play-by-play of my recent run ins with my carbon monoxide detector and DCFD. But I can’t. I just can’t.
Instead, suffice it to say that after calling 9-1-1 three times in the last five days (once happening twice in the same day); multiple appointments with a heating company; endless theorizing with everyone from the firemen who might have to be on my Christmas card list, friends, coworkers, and even a few strangers about what the hell the problem could be; coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been slowing poisoning myself for only G-d knows how long; having to vacate my house for fear of death; and the stark reality that this will be a $10,000 fix – I’m done. Just fucking done.
And I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. I hope no one was expecting a pony.