A few days ago, AED sent me a link to a post on babycenter.com.
Let’s pause here for a second.
Why would AED send you a post from some nefarious website called babycenter.com, you might ask. Well, I’ve come to learn it’s because AED hates me.
I G-Chat with AED pretty much every single work day. On weekends, I BlackBerry Messenger her. Occasionally one of us with call the other. But, inevitably, the call is missed, leading to long, rambling voicemails. So we generally go with virtual communication.
Anywho, AED, probably more so than anyone else, has had to endure my complaints about mysterious stomach illnesses, theories about plagues and whatnot, and overall bad moods because of the lingering “illness.”
Despite knowing more than she bargained for about my queasy state, AED sent me the following link via G-Chat:
For all of you who expressed repulsion at eating placenta, toy designer designer Alex Green offers you the option of crafting your baby’s placenta into a unique teddy bear, according to Inhabitots, a parenting site for those interested in sustainable design and green living.
The site’s Managing Editor, Beth Shea, wrote in last week’s post that designer Green’s Placenta Teddy Bear is a “crafty alternative for those who don’t necessarily want to eat their baby’s placenta, but want to pay their respects to the life sustaining organ by turning it into a one-of-a-kind teddy bear. Green’s Twin Teddy Kit ‘celebrates the unity of the infant, the mother and the placenta,’ and enables preparation of the placenta so it may be transformed into a teddy bear.”
To make the teddy bear, Inhabitots reports that the placenta “must be cut in half and rubbed with sea salt to cure it. After it is dried out, it is treated with an emulsifying mixture of tannin and egg yolk to make it soft and pliable.”
But is it soft enough to cuddle? Apparently not. The teddy is meant to be displayed in a protective glass box or dome.
Hey, I have an idea: Why not use the placenta teddy bear as the centerpiece for your dining room table? After all, it would be a conversation since it’s a one-of-a-kind piece.
OK, so I’m being snarky. I consider myself green, and I’m all for reusing things, but placenta? Disgusting. It’s beyond yuck. Or maybe I’m being judgmental? Is turning your placenta into a teddy bear, or anything else for that matter, a lovely idea or simply gross?
WHAT THE WHAT?!
Seriously, this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. And I find this shocking. SHOCKING! You’re telling me that, following the birth of a child and all the disgustingness and pain and ung-dliness associated with it, a woman will collect her placenta and consider: A) eating it… EATING IT! B) Turning it into a child’s play toy. Or – as you would have learned if you read the comments to this post – C) burying it and plant a tree.
What the fuck is wrong with these people?! EATING the fucking placenta?! Are you fucking kidding me? Making a gross looking teddy bear? Burying it?
Guys, c’mon. This is gross and – I am not afraid to say it – crazy. Anything that does not include the hospital discarding it is not something I can get behind. Fine, to each her own. But Jesus, this is weird and gross. Truly. And, frankly, I will judge.
Now I feel sick again. Thanks, AED! Dude, you’re killin’ me!