With it being Easter time and all, I thought it apropos to tell this little tale.
On one of my Fridays with ALJ prior to my gainful employment, ALJ and I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to purchase a replacement toaster oven following that unfortunate Gossip Girl night that resulted in a kitchen fire. While at the BBB, I told ALJ that I needed a pepper mill. She argued strenuously that I should forego any household purchases and wait to put them on a registry. I inquired as to why I would do such a thing. She responded, “You know, when you get married.” I reminded ALJ that I managed to stay blissfully unmarried to the same man for 10 years; why go and screw it up now?
Relenting, because she knew she was just testing my resolve, ALJ approved the pepper mill purchase.
Off to Aisle 7 we went. There was a lot to choose from. And DAMN, those things are expensive. I’ll be honest, I actually paused to think about whether this registry thing might be my saving grace. (Yeah, that’s how expensive they were. I mean, $30 for a wooden pepper mill? Are these people insane?!) Quickly shaking that thought off, ALJ and I looked at the cheaper options. That’s when we saw it: two small mills – one for pepper and one for salt – with little grips at the top to grind the … what? … crystals? …
Anyway, that little package was $14.95. For two. Sold. ALJ and I noticed that they had magnets on them, but this didn’t detract us from the purchase. It was cheap and it would do the job.
I brought these little goodies home. AM was over for dinner that night. After cooking and using the new mills repeatedly through the course of dinner, HC picks up one of them, notices the magnet, and puts them both on the fridge. I assumed that I would never use the magnet because, well, it seemed dumb. And had I never used the magnet function, the next revelation may never have been known.
(AM and HC are looking at the magnets on the fridge.)
AM: (Unconvincingly.) Cute. Bunnies.
HC: … That’s so silly.
Me: (Annoyed, and not enjoying the joke.) They’re not bunnies.
AM: But I like them.
HC: They’re little bunnies. So weird.
Me: (Growing increasingly annoyed.) Just because they have those grippers that look like rabbit ears doesn’t mean that they’re bunnies.
HC: No, but the grippers with the eyes and nose do.
Me: (Confused.) What?
I walked over to the fridge, looked at the mills on the fridge and see it:
Please look at the salt mill. The ears, eyes, and mouth are unmistakable. I was dumbfounded. Ain’t no way I would have bought these mills if I knew they were cutesy bunny mills. I mean, I am just not the kind of kid who would do such a thing.
When I told ALJ about our discovery, she was shocked. Barely able to speak, she sputtered out, “Wait, what? (Long pause.) No. (Long pause, then confused.) Wait, bunnies? (Long pause, then extreme panic and dread.) Wait, you know, I mean, you know I would NOT have let you buy bunny mills, right? You told them that I didn’t know about the bunnies, right? I mean, you told them I never would have let you buy bunny mills if I would have known, right? You told them, right?”
After laughing – a lot – I told ALJ she had nothing to worry about. That I didn’t try to pass the buck to her. In reality, of course, please believe I was not taking the blame for it. So a little blame went her way. But, I mean, we’re talking bunnies here. It had to be done. I have a rep to protect.