I just caught a commercial for the Vermont Teddy Bear Co, promoting their Valentine’s bears.
First, I find the Vermont Teddy Bear Co objectionable on its face. Even if you’re six-years old, the Vermont Teddy Bear is dumb. Sorry, but it’s true. They are eerie and are, basically, one step removed from a clown. Which could be the worst thing ever.
Second, if a grown man ever gave me a teddy bear, we would have to break up immediately. Seriously, why would someone do that? I am an adult. I want adult things. What I don’t want is a stuffed animal. Because, let’s face it, if a man or woman has a collection of stuffed animals at home or – WORSE – at the office, run don’t walk away from said stuffed-animal-toting person. Because, at this point, we should all be well aware of the fact that stuffed animal = crazy person.
Please look at these Valentine’s Day bears. They are absurd. And I can’t for the life of me figure out which one is worst.
How much does a person have to hate him/her self or his/her significant other to put so little thought into a gift as to decide that a Vermont Teddy Bear, for an adult, is an appropriate gift? What’s worse – how immature and broken does one have to be to actually want this ridiculous thing?
Valentine’s Day, in and of itself, is a ridiculous day that, I’m pretty sure, was created by a group of lonely, needy women – and their misogynistic male counterparts – who wanted to test the men in their lives; to see if they could create some truth that they could promote as being something that ALL women want and the ALL men must provide.
The truth, you ask? If a loved one gives you chocolate on V-Day, you are loved. Flowers? Loved more. If both? Wow, you got this one. But if you get a Vermont Teddy Bear Co Knight in Shining Armor bear that retails at near $100, well, you might just hear wedding bells. Of course, those wedding bells will likely be followed by the cha-ching of the divorce lawyer’s bills, but I surely don’t want to ruin anyone’s festivities.