I have been woefully inadequate in keeping up with the blog.  I wish I could say that I had a good excuse for there month of June.  I don’t.  Really, I was just hot and cranky and desperate to get little CoCo on the outside.  This led to some mood swings, what some might call a bad attitude, and some tears.  I do, however,  have a very good excuse for not blogging in the few weeks.  Yup, CoCo is, FINALLY, on the outside.

I will save you the gory details, other than to say that it really was not as bad as I thought it would be.  To be fair, I was pretty sure that I would hate every second of the delivery process.  So my expectations were really low.  Now, don’t get me wrong – there wasn’t much to enjoy really.  It’s not like I want to do it again today.  But it was not the screaming, drama-filled experience that is often portrayed on TV.  As my mother would say, Thank G-d.

But turns out, having CoCo, whose name is not CoCo or Lemon or Tito or any of the other names I’ve used for her while she was in utero.  Nope, she has a proper name, which, sadly, I won’t share here.  But it’s cute.  As is she.  I’m sure that there is something genetic where women are programed to think their baby is the cutest baby EVER.  Regardless, she is The. Cutest. Baby. EVER.

Anyway, because of CoCo’s arrival, I’m not sure how up on the blog I will be able to be.  At least, right now, it’s a struggle to feed myself and her.  And this is with my mom here providing much needed adult supervision.

Let me just say, having my mom here has been critical.  Not only do HC and I know nothing about birthing no babies, this whole process is mysterious, overwhelming, emotional, time-consuming, and exhausting.  Sure, there’s some joy in there too.  Again, The. Cutest. Baby. EVER.  But it is hard work dealing with an infant.  I mean, the whole not being able to use your words to explain what you need it a massive challenge.

But my mom has been a champ.  Cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, dealing with the baby, dealing with me, dealing with HC.  Seriously, this woman is a machine.  She has done more laundry since she’s been here than I’ve done all year.  It’s crazy.  But it’s so helpful.  I haven’t had to think about any of these things, yet still I’m exhausted.  Things have been complicated by a bout of mastitis that led to an ER visit.  All of which sucked and continues to suck.  A lot.  But my Energizer Bunny mother has been on top of everything, including 3am feedings.  I don’t know where that type of energy comes from.  Maybe it skips a generation.

My Mother - The Energizer Bunny

Anyway, I will try to post more regularly, but we’ll have to see how things go.  In the meantime time, hope you’re staying cool in this awful heat!

I just love this intro, this song.  LOVE IT.

Anyway, I was so sorry to hear of McClanahan’s passing.  Beyond the fact that this marks the loss of the third Golden Girl, leaving only the hilarious and highly skilled Password player Betty White with us, McClanahan’s passing reminds me that I can be my worst enemy.

Back in 2005 when I was working at the law firm, I went to a picnic lunch in a park along the East River with some colleagues and some summer associates.  It didn’t sound like the worst idea ever, until you realized that you would be at a picnic lunch with 10 lawyers sitting around in a circle sounds.  It was awkward, and I was feeling particularly awkward that day.  While I can picnic with the best of them – just ask the LJ clan – I’m not naturally comfortable sitting on the ground.  I prefer a chair.  And it’s not just because of the risk of stains and bugs.

Somehow I survived the lunch and, on our walk back to the office, I was walking with someone who I thought had real friend potential.  She was sweet and smart and laughed at my jokes.  Really, this is all it takes.  Anyway, we were chit chatting when we came up to a light on 55th and 1st Ave.  In front of us, I saw a woman who had to be in her 60s or so dressed in all black – flowing black top and black pants – with red hair.  Something about her caught my eye and had thoroughly distracted me from the conversation.  As I was staring at this woman, she turned her head and I gasped a little.  But I could say nothing.  I didn’t really know these people, and causing a scene by grabbing my future-friend by the arm screaming, “Oh.  My.  Fucking.  G-d.  Don’t look!  THAT’S RUE McCLANAHAN” didn’t seem like the best way to make a good impression.

For the next several blocks, I kept a close eye (read: tailed) McClanahan until I had no choice but to keep following her or enter our building with the group.  My awkwardness and desire to be less freakish than I normally am won out, and I headed into the building the the group.  Once in the elevator, I just couldn’t contain it anymore.  I said, “Did you see Rue McClanahan?  She was walking in front of us.”  Right then, two women – the new-found friend and a woman who, if not for other off-putting behaviors had real friendship potential herself, said some variation of “WHAT?!  NO!  Why didn’t you tell us?!”

One moral of this story is that even freaks like me can find community at a large New York law firm.  Another is that The Golden Girls really did influence people of multiple generations.  Because when you’re funny, you’re funny.  Period.

The moral that I took away was that I am my own worst enemy.

When you live in NYC, you see famous people all the time.  And for the most part, it’s not a particularly moving thing because, chances are, that person is your neighbor who you see pretty frequently.  So the idea of saying hi to Kate Winslet or Ethan Hawke or some other similarly situated star isn’t super appealing.

But McClanahan was different for me.  I desperately wanted to say hello and tell her how much I appreciated her work on The Golden Girls, and on Maude, and on Mama’s Family, and on All in the Family.  I wanted to tell her that the show made an impression on me as a kid and showed me that age truly is a state of mind, and that life need not lose it’s vim and vigor simply because you’ve hit your 50s or 60s or 70s or, as Betty White continues to show us, 80s and 90s.  I wanted to tell her that my own grandparents were spending their winters in southern Florida when the show was on and beyond, and I got to see first hand that the sweet old grandmother who dotes on grandchildren and bakes cookies is as much a relic as the idea that women are here solely for the care and upbringing of children.  Sure, it may be a part of who these folks are, but it’s not the totality of their identity.

Instead of telling McClanahan these things, I stalked her and then slunk into my office building.  For reasons that are beyond me, I allowed fear or awkwardness keep me from doing something I so wanted to do.

Perhaps I will say it now:  Ms. McClanahan, thank you for helping to show me the importance of friendship.  Safe travels.

McClanahan in Wicked

But more on that later.  Instead, can we discuss last week’s Glee for just one minute?  OH.  MY.  G-D.  We hoped.  We speculated.  We dreamed.  We weren’t even close to how good it would be.

Last week’s episode of Glee, in  my humble opinion, was the best of this second-part-of-the-first season or second season or whatever it it.  The storylines were great.  The dream theme was great.  And then it happened.

Okay, so I’ve had high hopes for Idina Menzel’s addition to the cast.  I desperately wanted her to be Lea Michele’s birth mother or aunt or something, primarily so we could ensure that they would sign together.  I was slightly heartbroken when, in her first appearance on the show, she made out with Shu instead being Rachel’s mom and, you know, singing.  Not sure why she couldn’t have made out with Shu AND been Rachel’s mom AND sang, but whatever.  Fine.  So I did I what I do – I tried to make lemonade out of those lemons.  I instead thought, well maybe Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth would be rivals for Shu’s love and maybe, just maybe they would sing The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica.

Okay, partial win here.  I got The Boy Is Mine but not from Menzel and Chenoweth.  It was still great, but not the duet I was wishing for.

FINALLY, Menzel was back this week and in what could only be explained as what would happen if you rolled together your birthday and Christmas and everything else good in the world, it happened.

Okay, STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN LAST WEEK’S GLEE.  Now, go immediately to Hulu and watch the episode.  No really, I’ll wait.

…

You watched it?  You sure?

Okay, so now you know.  Dreams do come true!  And yes, that pun was intended.

Holy Lord, Jesus, G-d, all that is holy – it happened!  Menzel, whose name on the show continues to escape me, is Lea Michele’s mother.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  And then, Menzel is going to sing.  YES!  Then it hits me – she is going to sing I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables.  WHAT?!  At that moment, I took my pillow and put it over my head.  My eyes might have started to well.  But I’m 36 weeks pregnant, so it’s not that surprising, really.  I told HC, very seriously, “If Lea Michele walks out on stage, I am going to pass out.”  THEN… THEN… Lea Michele appears and it’s a duet.  A DUET?!   You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!  Well, the tears definitely came then.

You have to understand, this is like porn to me.  This song being sung by just one of these women would be noteworthy.  But a duet?!  Ay carumba!  And, I have to say, the performance was off the fucking hook.  They ripped the song up.

Since last Tuesday night, I have listened to the performance a good 100 or so times.  One of the good things about  being up in the middle of the night because your whole body hurts is that you can indulge in your obsessions.  I took advantage of HC being sound asleep and listened to the song over and over and over and over again.  Then I listened to it a good 20 or so times with GT.  Now I’m home alone again and – that’s right – listening to the song as I type.

This is now my favorite Glee performance.  And, more shocking even to me, it’s my favorite version of the song.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love hearing Patti LuPone sing this song, and Aretha Franklin’s version is crazy good.  But this performance is beyond.  BEYOND!

Okay, gotta go.  Need to listen again before HC gets home and ruins everything.

No, it’s not that Souder was having sex with a staffer.  And no, it’s not that her title is “Special Assistant/Communications”, tho I do find that to be a great title, albeit not knowing anything about her actual job.

Nope, for me, what is interesting is the way Souder talked about his resignation and transgression in a statement.  He said:

“I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff,” Mr. Souder said in a statement. “In the poisonous environment of Washington, D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, often twisted, for political gain. I am resigning rather than to put my family through that painful, drawn-out process.”

1 – What is a “mutual relationship” exactly?  To me, this just says that they are both in a relationship, probably with each other.  Beyond that, no clue.  I’m pretty sure I am in the throws of many, MANY mutual relationships.  Best I not tell HC.  Particularly in my condition.

2 – Is it material that the woman he was in a “mutual relationship” with was a part-time employee?  Does this somehow make her less of an employee and more of a Jezebel?  I’m not clear, but I’m pretty sure that the woman’s part-time status does not change the schtupping part.  But maybe I’m wrong.

3 – Souder says:  “In the poisonous environment of Washington, D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, often twisted, for political gain.”  Hmmm… While I will concede that the atmosphere in Washington has been toxic, I am not sure I see Souder’s point.  The toxic atmosphere in Washington has more to do with hypocrisy and the attempts to take down a president for who he is and not what he does or believes in than it does with anything else.  And perhaps the toxic atmosphere in Washington is flamed by the so-frequent-as-to-be-barely-newsworthy-anymore sex scandals like the one Souder finds himself in.  And, he did still schtup the help.  There’s nothing to twist.  On the face of it, the story is easy and straight forward – another holier-than-thou proved that he, too, is just a run of the mill human being like the rest of us.  I would welcome him to the fold if only he wasn’t trying to blame anyone else for his misgivings.  Also, I don’t see what there is to gain politically.  Sure, a Republican is stepping down and the could be helpful to the Democrats.  But probably not – the seat will probably stay Republican.  And this will be a news story for, like, a minute, so long as Souder doesn’t follow the path of Eric Massa or Mark Sanford, neither of whom could not stop talking about their transgressions and defied all logic to try to make it sound like they were the normal ones and we were all crazy.  So long as Souder doesn’t do that, this story, too, will pass.  Sadly, there are nothing but losers in this story, starting with Souder’s family for having to endure the public airing of this affair that took place with your Indiana staffer, presumably in Indiana.  Not sure we can blame DC for that.

4 – Souder then says:  “I am resigning rather than to put my family through that painful, drawn-out process.”  As I said above, there are nothing but losers in this story.  And make no mistake about it – this will be a painful, drawn-out process regardless of Souder’s employment status.  Because here’s the thing – whether it’s happening in the public domain or behind closed doors, this sucks.  It sucks for him, it sucks for the woman, and most of all, it sucks for their families, the innocent bystanders to a personal, albeit perfectly human, failing.  Would it have been easier to deal with if one of these people were not in the public eye?  Maybe, but not by much.  The pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the loss,  are all exactly the same.

5 – As a final point, this video discussing abstinence-only education featuring a mock interview between Souder and the part-time staffer in question is particularly, what’s the word… damning?  Illustrative of Souder’s hypocrisy?  Whatever it is, it’s good.  I would like to comment on this video further – like asking what Souder knows about teaching morality, and how it is so easy for him to blame someone who is HIV-positive for his disease yet Souder himself is trying to pin his current indiscretion on an entire town 100s of miles away from where this all started – but I will refrain.

Pelosi makes history, and enemies, as an effective House speaker

By Paul Kane
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, May 2, 2010;

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is so unpopular in some places that she often avoids public appearances. During a recent House recess, she hopscotched across the country, raising hundreds of thousands of dollars at closed-door fundraisers, turning up in public only at the White House and in her hometown of San Francisco.

But under the Capitol dome, Pelosi is a towering figure, perhaps even a historic one. Capped by her central role in passing the landmark health-care bill in March, the California Democrat, 70, has transformed herself from the caricature of a millionaire liberal with impeccable fashion taste into a speaker on par with the revered Sam Rayburn, according to historians, pollsters and lawmakers on both sides of the aisle.

Republicans betting on her unpopularity outside of Washington have made the speaker the face of their effort to retake the House this fall, asking donors to “Fire Nancy Pelosi” while showing images of her engulfed in flames. The first tests of that strategy will come later this month with the GOP trying to win two seats long held by Democrats in special elections in Pennsylvania and Hawaii.

But Pelosi girded for this fight years ago, when she outlined a four-step plan for a lasting Democratic control of the House. The first two steps came with winning the majority in 2006 and expanding it in 2008.

While hoping for big Democratic gains in the 2012 presidential election cycle, the goal this year is merely to “sustain” the majority. With the economy limping along, Democrats are bracing for deep losses but cannot afford to lose more than 40 seats. Pelosi said she’s ready for the fight.

“You’re in the arena. And when you’re in the arena, you know that someone’s going to throw a punch. And if you decide to throw a punch, you’d better be ready to take one, too,” she said. “There’s a lot at stake.”

Influential leader

Young Nancy D’Alesandro first took note of the speaker’s power on a trip to Ocean City, when her father, the influential mayor of Baltimore, had to pull the family car over for a passing motorcade. “It was the speaker coming through. Oh my God, the speaker of the House,” Pelosi recalled about Rayburn’s entourage.

Some historians list her alongside Rayburn and his successor, John W. McCormack, as among the most influential speakers in the annals of Congress. The two men reigned for a combined 27 years, through World War II, the early days of the Cold War, the passage of civil rights laws and the creation of Medicare and Medicaid.

Voters have taken notice of Pelosi as well.

Shortly after the health-care bill’s passage, Democratic pollster Peter Hart gathered a dozen people in Sacramento who had voted for President Obama. Asked for one word to describe various leaders, Hart said, the voters had the following replies about Pelosi: strong, shrewd, a leader, powerful, persistent.

The voters told the pollster that Obama lacks the political toughness of former presidents Lyndon B. Johnson and Richard M. Nixon, and that they think Pelosi is “the yin to Obama’s yang,” Hart said. “She complemented him and essentially makes him a better leader and a better president. . . . They saw Nancy Pelosi as providing Barack Obama with the qualities he didn’t have himself.”

Republicans who used to criticize her as an out-of-touch West Coast liberal now say she rules the House with an iron fist. They say voters paid close attention to the complicated legislative process that led to final passage of the health-care bill.

“They watch that process take place. They watch who does it. It’s Pelosi,” said Rep. Kevin McCarthy (Calif.), a member of the GOP leadership.

Pelosi is the biggest Democratic draw on the fundraising circuit next to Obama. She is credited with raising $28.5 million for Democratic committees and candidates at nearly 140 events since January 2009. And she has inherited late senator Edward M. Kennedy‘s mantle among progressives as the liberal leader whose nod of support says that a proposed deal is as good as it gets.

“I don’t lack for invitations to go places,” Pelosi said, explaining that she takes “some level of pride in the adversaries I have collected along the way. It certainly helps my support in the base and my fundraising. Thank you for making the attack.”

Speaker ‘for’ the House

Late one night in January, as congressional leaders and White House officials tried to narrow their differences on the cost of the health-care bill, Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.) gave Obama credit. “I don’t speak for the House, but this is a good offer,” the commerce committee chairman said, according to those present.

“Henry, I agree with you about two things,” Pelosi interjected. “The president put out some numbers, and, number two, you don’t speak for the House.”

That exchange captures the power that the speaker wields. She — not a committee chairman — is the Democratic decider on almost every major issue, from which bills reach the House floor to key political decisions involving campaigns.

Many observers credit her legislative successes to the machine politics she learned at her father’s knee. Despite her polished appearance — she was recently lampooned at a black-tie dinner as representing “Giorgio Armani” in Congress — Pelosi has more cunning than her opponents had ever suspected.

“On the outside, she’s a Pelosi. On the House floor, she’s a D’Alesandro. She’s her father’s daughter,” said Rahm Emanuel, the White House chief of staff who previously served with her in the House leadership.

Almost every key negotiation in the last three years has been settled at her conference table in the Capitol. She always takes the middle seat with her back to the window overlooking the Mall, with a 2005 portrait of Abraham Lincoln hanging above. A firm believer in the prerogatives of the House, Pelosi’s portrait is of Lincoln during his one congressional term, not from his historic presidency.

Her guests are almost always offered food, with ice cream and candy her personal favorites. After a successful negotiation with conservative House Democrats last July, Pelosi told reporters that food is always a key ingredient: “We either feed them to stay longer, or we starve them so they go home.”

Pelosi is fond of using lists to illustrate her beliefs: The “three pillars” of her agenda are education, energy and health care, and the “three Ms” of politics are message, money and mobilization. Her overarching goal is to reverse what she calls an “extraction of wealth” during the Bush administration from the middle class to the upper class. “This isn’t a casual Democratic-Republican [dispute]. This is a different view of who has the leverage,” she said.

Her allies cite a far more pragmatic approach. Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-Md.), credited Pelosi with negotiating credits for power plants in climate-change legislation that enabled several dozen Midwestern Democrats from coal-heavy states to support the bill last summer.

Some environmentalists decried the political calculation as harmful to the overall effort to curb carbon emissions, but Pelosi prevailed in an anxious 219-212 vote. “She is interested in getting things done, not ideology. She doesn’t have an ideological purity test,” Van Hollen said.

Pelosi often eschews narrow special deals for one or two lawmakers and instead aims for tweaks that can win over groups of lawmakers. Pelosi calls this the “great kaleidoscope” approach, finding the right mix to reach at least 218 votes.

“We don’t lose. We don’t lose,” she said. “And not everybody votes with us every time, but enough people do.”

Eyes on the prize

After Scott Brown’s special-election victory in Massachusetts robbed Senate Democrats of a filibuster-proof majority, some pushed for a scaled-down version of health-care legislation to draw Republican support. Pelosi balked. In a moment that has come to define her speakership, Pelosi mocked a scaled-down bill as “Eensy Weensy Spider” health care.

She agreed to find the votes for the Senate version of the legislation if Majority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) promised that both chambers would then pass a smaller bill of fixes using a parliamentary tactic that would allow a simple majority vote.

Van Hollen said Pelosi’s commitment to health care restored “a lot of faith” with liberal voters that there is a congressional leader who can drive Obama’s agenda across the finish line. “There was no guarantee we were going to get health care done, and it easily could have failed with a different speaker,” he said.

The final vote came on Sunday night, March 21, after two full days of protests outside the Capitol by conservatives who chanted mockingly, “Nan-cy, Nan-cy.” They even heckled her daughter.

Republicans say the passage of the health-care legislation — done without a single GOP vote in the House or the Senate — opens Democrats up to a political line of attack that will both energize the conservative Republican base and turn off independent voters who backed Obama’s 2008 message of changing the way business is done in Washington. They now portray Pelosi as almost a co-president to Obama, particularly in the run-up to the Pennsylvania and Hawaii elections this month.

“If Republicans win these two races, America will have two more congressmen standing up to the jobs-killing Pelosi-Obama agenda,” House Minority Leader John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) wrote in an e-mail to conservatives Wednesday. A similar appeal by the Republican National Committee — the group that pictured the House speaker in a fiery blaze — collected more than $1.5 million in the week after the health-care vote.

Some have questioned whether Republicans are being sexist in their attacks on the first female speaker of the House. But Pelosi has said that being a woman has “a very positive upside,” as she explained in a 2008 interview with The Washington Post. So many women and fathers of daughters were invested in her success that it far outweighed any downside. She has long argued that it was harder for a woman to win the speaker’s gavel than it would be to win the White House, considering that women make up less than a sixth of the House membership but more than half of general electorate.

In her fourth year as speaker, her primary focus remains on keeping the Democratic majority.

“If you’re asking me how long I intend to stay here, I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t know. I have certain issues that I want to accomplish, but what’s more important to me is that we have a strong Democratic majority,” she said. “That’s more important than who is speaker.”

Mom:  There’s a saying in Italian.  I don’t know what it is.  But it’s something like, if you have a loaf of bread and don’t share it, tomorrow when you don’t have bread and someone else has bread, they won’t share it.

Man in store:  I think I’ve heard this one.

Mom:  It’s probably in a lot of languages.

Man in store:  My mother always told me to share.

Mom:  Exactly.

Somehow they understood one another.  My take away was slightly different – the Mega Millions game winnings are up to $266 million, and I should get some tickets.

Since it’s so beautiful outside today, I decided to go for a walk, pick up some tickets, and maybe catch some sun.  Sounds like a great plan, right?  Apparently, today is not my lucky day.

So I start walking over to Pennsylvania Avenue from the Rayburn Building.  After about 5 minutes, I realize that it’s blazing hot, the sun is scorching, and my skin may actually catch on fire.  What’s worse, I was absolutely exhausted.  Okay, no worries.  I need a break.

After 10 minutes of reading, I carried on.  I stopped in Gandel’s, the first place I came to on Penn Ave that sold lottery tickets.  Following an annoying exchange with the vendor, who decided to wait until he rung up my tickets to tell me that it was a cash-only establishment – and I didn’t have cash – I had to find cash to pay for my tickets.  I made some comment about how it would have been helpful to know this information before he rung me up, to which he said, “Mega Millions is up to $266 million.  I can sell these tickets in a second.”  Slow down there, killer.  And not exactly my point.

Before he had a chance to sell my tickets, I got him the cash.  Fine, mission accomplished.  Now I just need to find a spot to sit and read my health care materials.  So I go to the Starbucks.  Nothing like a cold Vivanno on a hot day.  Got my Vivanno and sat outside in the little Starbucks street-side cafe area.  Unfortunately, I sat right next to two women who were discussing baby shower etiquette.  You may not know this, but these women were aghast to learn that some people wear jeans to baby showers.  All I could think was, if they bring a gift, clothes are optional.  (Anyone who is heading to NJ this weekend, this applies to you… bring a gift, clothes optional.)  There was also some talk about how the one woman’s mother wasn’t sure the woman should marry her fiance because the fiance’s mother is annoying.  Or it was because of the jeans at the baby shower part.  Not sure.  But seriously, if someone having an annoying mother was a reason to back out of a marriage, would anyone get married?

Whatever, I tried to drown it all out because, while blazing hot, it was so nice to be outside in the sun reading these super interesting materials on long term care.  (Yes, I’m serious.)

And then it happened.  I was shit on.  By a bird.  Right on my hand.  I cursed really loud, but no one seemed to notice the gigantic pregnant woman who was just shit on by a bird.

That’s when I threw in the towel.  Clearly, this was a sign that I should not leave my desk during the day.

Of course, if all of this results in me winning the Mega Millions, all will be forgotten.

C’mon people!  I am a cranky pregnant lady and the only thing I have to look forward to is Glee.  Don’t dash my dreams!

But I will leave this to another day.

For now, I wanted to focus on Chenoweth’s performance of Home, the grand finale of the episode and The Wiz.  I can’t say it’s one of my favorite songs – I like it, not love it – but Chenoweth really knocked it out of the park.

Beautiful.  But you need to watch her perform it.  She’s riveting.  And that white dress is stunning.

But clearly, many other artists have sung this song before.

For example, Stephanie Mills played Dorothy in The Wiz on Broadway in the late 70s.

I LOVE Stephanie Mills.  Just love that voice.  And this performance is great.

For many, tho, it’s not Stephanie Mills’ performance that you remember.  Instead, when you think of Home (yes, pun was intended), you think of Diana Ross.

Such a perfect voice.

Because I’m obsessed and still so, so sad that GT got to see her in concert last Sunday while I sat here all gigantic and pregnant, here is a little bit of Home from Whitney.  Okay, two from Whitney – one from the mid-80s and another from the mid-90s, to showcase the change in the demeanor, the attitude, the diva-ness, and the voice.  While both are great, I think I prefer the older, more mature Whitney.  And it’s not just because I love a diva who talks to the audience.

WHAT?!  Wow.  I’ve got to say, I was stunned.  And then I couldn’t stop laughing.

Soy Jizzum?  Um, we definitely should not call it that.  Especially since I am drinking soy, um, milk these days.  I used to hate it.  A lot.  But when we ran out of milk recently, I gave it another go.  Turns out Lil Lemon* likes it.  Not sure I like it enough to drink a glass of it.  But in cereal or a smoothe, it’s quite nice.

But back to Scotto.  Does she know what jizzum means?  Or did she overhear one of her kids using this word and just thought, Hey, it’s young and hip, and I’m young and hip, so I’m going to go for it?  We may never know.  But this sort of thing isn’t new to Fox Channel 5 anchors.  Remember this one?:

Oh, Ernie Anastos.

*As you can see, I am trying out some new names.  Lemon makes me laugh every time.  Besides being a delicious fruit that I LOVE in almost any genre of food, drink, or cleaning product, and a silly sounding word (right now, call out to the other room – Lemon!  If it doesn’t make you laugh or, at the very least, smile, something is wrong with you), it reminds me of Liz Lemon from 30 Rock.  I am also using Fernando from time to time.  Lil Nando.  And no, we’re no where close to agreeing on a name.  I might have to just name this kid after the first person who visits me in the hosptial.  Yup, it’s a contest!

Remember when I said that my luck was about to take a serious turn for the worse?  Well, it has.

I have hit week 32 of this pregnancy, and I am a hot mess.

• I can’t stop crying.
• I can’t sleep.
• I have heartburn.
• My eating habits are changing again… and not for the better.
• Did I mention that I can’t stop crying.

For the last two weeks, I have been quick to shed tears.  But by the end of last week and continuing through this week, I’ve taken up crying all the time.  Crying at work.  Crying in the car.  Crying in the middle of the night.  Crying in the morning before work.  Etc.  Etc.  Etc.  How cliche is it that the gigantic pregnant lady is crying at work?!  All I needed was to be eating a sandwich while crying to round out the look.

Part of this is because I am starting to hurt all over.  Part of this is because I am not sleeping.  Part of this is because CoCo has decided that peanut butter and butter are off the menu, yet I continue to eat both.  Because I forget.  Until the heartburn starts.  I’ve never had heartburn before.  I don’t like it.  Not one bit.

Part of this is because of these damn doctor appointments.  Why would a doctor say something like this:  “Well, it’s a little small… I’m not concerned, but you should come back in three weeks… because it’s a little small.”  Doesn’t this doctor understand that telling a woman on the edge – a woman, mind you, who was in his office because she was freaking out because she did not feel the fetus move for a good 24 hours – that her baby is “a little small” could lead to more alarm, not less?  Doesn’t this guy realize that just because he says he’s not worried does not mean that I won’t be worried?  Probably unnecessarily?

Part of this is because my job is killing me.  Our maternity leave sucks, and despite my attempts to get some special dispensation, I got nothing.  Well, what I got was this:  Trust us.  Trust us?  What the fuck are these people talking about?  Why in G-d’s name would I trust them to make sure that I have enough time at home while not having to go off salary?  Why would any employee trust their employer to make special allowances down the line when they won’t make those allowances now?  Trust us… I’m going to try that the next time they ask me to do something and see how far it gets me.

So basically, I am a crazy person right now.  I just hope this ends sometime soon.  Please dear G-d, let this end sometime soon.

Potomac River Filled With Intersex Fish

An alarming new study finds that more than 80 percent of the male bass fish swimming in Washington’s Potomac River exhibit both male and female sex characteristics, the Guardian reports. In addition to having testes, many male bass have also begun producing eggs, which researchers chalk up to the “toxic stew” of weird chemicals being dumped in the river. While part of the contamination comes from agricultural runoff, the Potomac Conservancy study found that birth control, prescription drugs, and other chemically enhanced products were also contributing to piscine sexual confusion. This isn’t just limited to the Potomac, either: A similar study conducted in 2009 revealed that out of 111 sites tested nationwide, roughly a third contained intersex fish.

WHAT THE FUCK?!  I swear, CoCo is going into a bubble.  Immediately, if not sooner.

Okay, that was harsher than I intended.  Let’s start again.

It’s Earth Day!  Yay!

Yeah, sounds insincere to me too.

Anywho, I thought I would share a few of the green things HC and I are doing – or going to be doing – around the house.

1) New Windows.

Folks, if you haven’t heard, old windows make it hard to insulate your home properly.  This means that you need to run your heat more in the winter and your air conditioner more in the summer.  This is bad for the environment because you are wasting energy.  If that’s not reason enough for you, just think about your January heating bill and your August cooling bill.  Outrageously high, right?  Well, replacing your windows will go a long way toward cutting your energy costs.  And the federal government will give you a tax credit to do it.  Free money, people!

We’ve replaced most of the windows on the second floor and hope to replace the ones of the first floor soon.  And by soon, I mean before the tax credit goes away.

2) Glass containers

Like everyone else in the world, HC and I had lots and lots and lots of plasticware around the house.  Then we heard about this BPA stuff.  I don’t really know what BPA is or what it does, but it sounds bad.  I mean, cancer-causing and leeching chemicals can’t be good, right?  Here’s what Wikipedia has to say on the matter:

Bisphenol A, commonly abbreviated as BPA, is an organic compound with two phenol functional groups. It is a difunctional building block of several important plastics and plastic additives.

Suspected of being hazardous to humans since the 1930s, concerns about the use of bisphenol A in consumer products were regularly reported in the news media in 2008 after several governments issued reports questioning its safety, and some retailers have removed products containing it from their shelves. A 2010 report from the FDA raised further concerns regarding exposure of fetuses, infants, and young children.

Still not quite sure what this is, but it certainly does not sound good.

So a few months back, HC and I started getting rid of our plasticware in favor of snaplock glassware.

I seriously love the Glasslock containers.  They are amazing and fantastic, and I do not regret making the change-over.  We still have a few lingering pieces of plastic, but they too are on their way out.

3) gDiaper

As I’ve mentioned, I’m in the family way.  This development has led to many changes including, but not limited to, my new-found sobriety, which I hate; my ever-growing body, which I also hate; and my inability to sleep for longer than three hours without having to use the restroom, which I also ALSO hate.

Anyway, this development has led to HC and I having to think about baby gear.  Baby gear is a complex and complicated world of mysteries, riddles, half-truths, bald-faced lies, and lots of fear.  In trying to balance cost, crazy, and fear, we’ve tried to steer clear of plastics as best we can.  There are lots of great glass, BPA-free, and organic options out there.  But that shit can be EX-PEN-SIVE.  But, again, it’s a balancing act.

As part of the balancing act, I’ve been thinking about diapers.  I hate diapers.  Not just for the reason that most people hate diapers – you know, that they are smelly and gross and a lot of work and whatnot.  I hate diapers for all of those reasons, to be sure.  But I also hate them because they create so much garbage.  Actually, it’s more than that.  Disposable diapers create tons and tons of garbage that won’t biodegrade for 350 to 500 years.  Yes, I said YEARS.  That is insane to me.  Just think about the number of diapers a baby uses and multiple that by 350 to 500 YEARS!  Crazy.

While I can see that disposable diapers are terrible for the environment, I also am struggling to wrap my mind around cloth diapers.  I mean, when you hear about “explosions” related to baby #2s, the last thing I want to do is laundry.  I don’t want to abuse the washing machine that way.

Luckily for me, there seems to be a new middle ground in the world of diapers called gDiapers.  gDiapers work this way:  there’s a cloth shell called a Little gPant that has a snap-in plastic liner.  Inside the liner, you add a biodegradable disposable insert or a cloth insert.  Everything is machine washable, and the liners can easily be wiped down or rinsed in the sink if needed.

Little gPant

As you can see, they are totally adorable and Velcro in the back.  They even make a Tiny gPant for newborns from 6 to 10 lbs.

Tiny gPant

In all, it’s probably a little more work than a straight disposable diaper, but there are a lot of benefits.  First, the disposable inserts are flushable, compostable, or , if tossed into the trash, biodegrade in about one year’s time.  Yes, ONE YEAR compared to 350-500 with a traditional disposable.  Second, with gDiapers, you have the option to use cloth if and when you ever want to.  Third, gDiapers are supposed to be better on a baby’s skin than a regular disposable diaper (fewer chemicals involved), leading to fewer (if any) diaper rashes.  And finally, they are so ridiculously cute.

Okay, so the final point shouldn’t really matter.  But maybe you should look at them again.

C'mon... so fucking cute!

Anyway, happy Earth day!  And remember – do your part not to fuck up the planet for the rest of us.